Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
