Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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