His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
