awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
