puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
