honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
