you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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