We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We don't watch enough power rangers
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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