I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
