I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found a bag of teeth...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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