I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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