I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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