I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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