i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
