Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize