somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
