I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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