hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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