I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
