She's JV to your varsity
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's always time for handjobs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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