last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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