I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
