Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
