Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
