Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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