happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
