my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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