I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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