I am puke
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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