I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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