I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
