omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
