i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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