I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
