"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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