Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
