Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dick very happy bro
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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