I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
