That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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