dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
