You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
