Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
