Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
