Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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