watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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