I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
