I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
