It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
