omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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