3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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