how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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