She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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