take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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