"it" just moved
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
