after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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