New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
