You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is wine microwaveable?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
