you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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