quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
