I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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