we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
