the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
